Jainab Tabassum Banu Sonali:

The Valentine’s Day is globally observed every year on 14 February. Though it is not a public holiday, lovers tend to manage some quality time for themselves and make the best use of the day by showering their loved ones with flowers, candies, gifts and the most profoundly heart-felt love. Those who do not have conventional lovers to celebrate the day with sometimes mock these love birds promoting the falsified idea of Narcissism and contradicting it with the concept of self-love. I am sure many of them do not even bother to know the mythological story of Narcissus. I must appreciate how they also sing the slogan “self-love is the best love”, because it actually is! Nevertheless, self-love is not Narcissism.

According to Greek mythology, Narcissus was a son of the river god Cephissus and the nymph Liriope. Right after his birth, Tiresias gave his precious prediction that Narcissus would live a long life until he discovered himself. He was a super handsome man who would go hunting in the woods and made many beautiful women fall in love with his dynamic and charismatic beauty. One day a mountain nymph Echo saw him in the woods and immediately fell in love with him! She wanted to love and hug him, but the churlish Narcissus ignored her and told her to leave him alone.

With the broken heart and humiliated mind, Echo left. Her shattered pieces of heart and Narcissus’s bad manners made the goddess of revenge Nemesis angry at him. She thought of giving him a remarkable punishment. On one summer day, when Narcissus was wandering around in the forest, he felt thirsty. Nemesis intentionally led him to the pool in which he looked at his own youthful and beautiful reflection and immediately fell deeply in love with his own image. He was so madly in love with himself that he could not leave his own alluring reflection. Realizing the unreciprocated quality of his love, he committed suicide. Narcissus’s discovery of his own image ultimately took his life.

The Love Queen of Malabar confessional poetess Kamala Das beautifully wrote in her poem “The Old Playhouse”, “Love is Narcissus at the water’s edge,/ hunted by his own lonely face”. When one becomes a narcissist even in love, he or she becomes lonely because, just like Narcissus, he or she fails to appreciate other’s appreciation and love and gets obsessed with his or her own physical image. A self-loving person, on the other hand, accepts himself or herself and embraces others too.

Though Narcissus is a mythological figure, we may see many tiny, big, heavy and light versions of Narcissus around us. In the name of self-love, many people are now suffering from narcissistic personality disorder which is a mental (neurotic) condition. When a person is a narcissist, he or she is obsessively in love with his or her own self and also is in lack of empathy for others. Even in sexual love, a narcissist only looks for having his or her own pleasure rather than thinking of how the other one feels or desires.

Since Narcissism and self-love are mistakenly taken as synonyms, people consider self-love as a taboo, especially for women. Many people believe that self-love is a selfish act whereas in reality, it is absolutely the opposite of it. Self-love rather means to put yourself first, prioritize your needs, respect your self-esteem and accept yourself as you are! And by doing all these things, you start to appreciate, love and respect others. It does not mean to reach perfection, because perfectionism is nothing but a utopian, unreal, illusionary and unachievable idea. It means to become more confident and show more support and empathy for others. Self-love, in fact, is another way of loving others.

The narcissists always look for other’s validation and acknowledgement for the little things they do because of having such low self-esteem and high sense of grandiosity. They hide all the dark holes, shortcomings and negative remarks about themselves. They do not have the courage to accept their failure and learn from their mistakes. Apparently, they seem very confident, but deep inside they feel insecure, less confident and doubtful. They are so obsessed with showcasing themselves perfectly in a public place that they forget to flourish their inner qualities. At the end of the day, when they discover the truth of not achieving the “sonar horin” called perfection, they fall mentally sick and suffer from Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).

Therefore, it is important to know and note that we do not practice narcissism. Nevertheless, self-love is what we essentially need to do on a regular basis. Every single person regardless of their gender and age must learn to love himself or herself first. For a mother, it is important to take and enjoy some “me-time” in order to retain sanity. Dear mothers, before you make more sacrifices of your passion and hobby for the sake of your children and family, please watch out! Your daughters are observing you and will imitate your current version in their future.

Self-love is practically related to self-care that means to care for oneself by practicing it. It is important to listen to our own bodies. We are humans, not robots. To meet our professional and academic goals is important, but not as crucial as to reach our spiritual goals. To reach nirvana, one must practice self-care that highly promotes healthy living. Eat healthy, move your body, laugh more and live to the fullest. Life is too short to walk up with toxicities. Forget narcissism. Prioritize yourself, love yourself in order to love others. Happy Valentine’s Day, dear lovely readers!

The writer is a Lecturer, Department

of English Language and Literature,

Premier University Chittagong